so as it turns out, it doesn't really end...

I didn't get to update during Megaventure at all.. time is money, people! At least in internet cafes it is. However, it was amazing. We saw so, so many really cool places, did a ton of incredible things, and it rocked. The only stressful part was choosing how long to stay in which places, and the only regret is not having more time. Danger made a great blog post about it, so if you want to read about it/see pictures, I recommend visiting http://www.dangerhuman.com/ and checking it out!

About being home:

It's weird. I feel this strange sense of loneliness at all times, and it's seemingly impossible to shake. Even when I'm with friends and family, or keeping myself busy, or have a lot of fun plans coming up, nothing really seems to fill the void. Time just feels empty, always vacant even when it's being filled with something. Being around friends/family does help, but I still can't completely get rid of the loneliness.

Before being abroad, I was fine not having plans and could easily keep myself busy, and happily, too. Then in Costa Rica, there was ALWAYS someone to hang out with, and considering that the people there were the coolest ever, it's been really really insanely hard to get back into the routine of not constantly having a friend at my side. I know that's something I need to get used to, but it's unexpectedly difficult. I just siempre want to be back in the Punt with everyone.

I've actually been trying really hard not to think about the Punt too much and this is the first night that it's been impossible to stop thinking about/missing it. I think I was too busy just missing people before, but I guess I'm ready to start missing my second home, too. Traveling, though, that's something that I have been missing every single day. It's suffocating, to go from being let loose on the world back to confining yourself to a particular location, it's like you can't breathe quite as well or something. I don't know, it's hard to describe, but no matter what I do I just don't feel as happy or complete as I did while I was abroad.

The whole thing has changed my outlook on life quite a bit, though. I always knew I wanted to travel, but I didn't know if I could handle being gone for more than a few weeks at a time. I thought I wanted to work somewhere based in the US that had occasional overseas business trips because I wanted to have a country to return to, where I could keep myself organized and always have that comfort of "home". I didn't know that it was possible to feel so at home in a place so far away. I truly hope that new travel locations continue to feel the way that Costa Rica did.

Right now my heart is in so many places and with so many people that I don't think I can ever feel totally 'at home' here anymore, and as lonely as that feels right now, that's the kind of thing that makes these experiences so special and worthwhile. As hard as it is to be away from the new people and places I love, I know we'll meet up again and it will be amazing when it happens.

Until then, I just keep daydreaming about living abroad again and trying not to think about how much I miss everything. It's hard, and I keep thinking about how it's quite possible that those were the best 5 months that I'll ever have. They were perfect, and I'm so lucky for that. On the plus side, I think I'm getting past the burst-into-tears-without-warning stage slowly but surely, haha. King Kone helps with that one.

I miss Costa Rica, so, so much. Central America in general is an amazing place where I really feel at home. It will take me a while to get over that, but it's changed my life for the better and I can't wait to see where it leads me next.


Kristin said...

I agree with all of what you wrote! You described the feeling so well. I've been home 3 weeks longer than you have, and sorry to tell you...but, those feelings have not lessened at all for me. :\ I just miss my other home and my distant friends so much. We'll go back! :)

Penelope said...

Odysseus had the same problems... Seen this before. Good luck